There has been a common theme running through various parts of my life lately. It's something I struggle with on a daily basis, and through conversations with dear friends, listening to the people around me, and tuning into my own chaotic internal monologue, I realize this just might be life's Holy Grail: Balance.
The balance between friends, family, work, hobbies, taking care of yourself, eating, sleeping, etc. You name it. It requires balance. Time, energy, money, sacrifice, desire, motivation, willpower, creativity, passion...all of those things (and more) are required to keep all the balls (that's what she said) in the air. I don't how good I am at this. I think that having a child has tuned me into these things in a way that I just plain didn't understand before. That's not to say that being a mother, father, parent, or guardian means that you have more to balance, or that you are part of some special club that means you immediately and inexplicably know how to juggle. It just means that, for me, I finally started to take notice of all the balls I was not-so-gracefully tossing into the great wide open. It has also opened me up to realize that EVERYONE is doing the same thing. Hoping, wishing, willing, and praying that all of their amateur juggling isn't going to knock them on their ass.
Back to me. Take this week, for example:
Sunday: Husband goes into work for a couple hours, I run errands with N. We have my father and brother over for dinner and football. All the while one of us is attempting to do laundry.
Monday: I work and then head out to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends for burritos bigger than our head and fast catch-up discussion about our kids, work, her nursing school, our families, exercise, BALANCE, and when we will get together again.
Tuesday: I work, run home to walk the dog, pick up N from daycare, and then head to Punk Rope. Come home to passed out child and a husband who is late for band practice and trapped under the unconscious N.
Wednesday: Work, run home to walk the dog, pick up N from daycare, attempt to throw together dinner while the child who never naps fights falling asleep. Eat with husband, crash.
Thursday: Work, run home and walk the dog, shovel half the driveway of what the 100th snowstorm of the season produced, head to Punk Rope. Come home to a child who is punishing me for not being home enough this week, husband shovels rest of the driveway, we eat, then crash.
Friday: Work (that's really getting depressing to type), drive out to Standish to pick up the napless wonder, along the way stop to get milk and a much-needed bottle of wine. Bring home sleeping child, veg for what seems like the first time in forever (husband is at band practice #2).
On tap for this weekend: Get up at some unGodly hour, drink coffee while obsessing over all that I need to do, yet refusing to do any of it for atleast an hour (this is a must for me). Groceries, then going to pick up my spunky and amazing 12 year-old sister-in-law for an afternoon of lunching, shopping, watching movies, and playing Wii. She will sleepover. Sunday will consist of bringing her back home, squeezing in some laundry and family time, I am sure the husband will need to get a couple hours in at work.
All that. I/we did ALL that and still, there is SO MUCH MORE. The chore and house repair list is as tall as I am (if there were an actual physical list, which there is not), the dishes were in the sink for days until Super Husband did them before he left for BP #2 tonight, the dogs toe nails are way too long (not to mention my hair), I signed up for a 5K that is 1 month away and I have done nothing about training for it, I have a handful of the best, I want to eat-them-with-a-spoon, friends that I would love to lounge in my pj's with until we have talked this subject into dust, family members we haven't seen in way too long, projects that are half-finished, lists of dates for babysitters needed so I can go watch Super Husband on stage, doing what he loves so much...deep breath...I could go on and on.
If I am being honest, I probably only care about 1/4 of that list on a daily basis. Something will always suffer. I try to make sure that is never my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends, or my pets. Realistically, I know they will (and already do) even when I think I have it all on an even keel. My point is this: I do what I can, when I can, how I can. And I am happy.
Is this balance? Damned if I know.
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