There are about 1,000 words I could use to describe who I am and what I do. Athlete is not one of them. In fact, I have spent most of my life making sure I am the first person to make some sort of self-deprecating comment when the topic of athleticism might come up. I always found joy in being the girl at my friends events talking too loud, making inappropriate jokes, being (one of) the first people to crack a beer or pour a glass of wine, and saying I am the resident asthmatic who doesn't "do" running, or biking, or swimming, or gymming, or [insert sweat-inducing activity here]. And let's be honest, the word "found" isn't accurate, I still do find A LOT of joy in all of those things. It's just that, well, I also found in the last year that I, *gasp*, also kinda, sorta like running, and biking, and jumping rope, and practicing yoga, and chasing my child and my friends children around the birthday party of the week.
What does this mean?? Is the world coming to an end? Have I matured (doubtful)? Did someone perform a lobotomy on me while I wasn't looking? Who am I??
I suppose that's all a little dramatic. Shocking, for those who know me. It's not that I never played sports and didn't enjoy them. I did. A lot, actually. I was a ballerina from age 3 until I hit high school and found that chasing boys and avoiding my homework was much more interesting than barre exercises and recitals. I played Field Hockey until my senior year. I was a cheerleader for my last 2 years. I was in great shape, and like all 17 year olds, had no idea, and didn't appreciate it like I would now.
What happened between then and now? Dorm life. Beer. Concerts and road trips. Falling in love, making new friends, getting engaged/married, buying a home, working 40 hours a week, adopting a dog, more beer and BBQ's, and starting a family. Life.
I think it was about how socialization changed. In High School, our lives revolve around those hallways and classrooms and (for some) after school activities. Then they set us free into the "real world" and we have to figure out how to make new friends (and keep the old), live on our own, etc, etc. You know the drill. And this doesn't mean that it worked this way for everyone. It's my understanding that a lot of people continued to run and play sports and make their general health a priority. I even know a few of these people! For me though, for someone who is not an athlete, those things just didn't carry through.
Fast forward to a year ago when I put on running sneakers and downloaded the Couch to 5K podcasts onto my ipod. As I said before I had plenty of excuses as to why I didn't take my desire to get healthy seriously until then. But why did I suddenly get off the couch and do it? An old friend of mine, who I love and admire immensely, ran into me at my very first 5K (on Mother's Day last year) and she asked me why I started running. My off-the-cuff answer was that I had an 18 month old and it was the only time I had ALONE. How funny and how true that is. 15 years ago I strapped those running shoes on because everyone else I knew was doing it, and now I do it to get away from everybody else I know! Being alone with my ipod and not having to think about anything was such a gift. It still is such a gift, it's just been tough to find the time (and the above-freezing temperature) to do it. Excuses, I know.
Motivation is an interesting thing.
Anyway, back to the point, I am still not an athlete. I'm not sure I ever will be, but I am someone who found that person deep down in there somewhere (whether it was because I wanted 30 minutes to myself or not) and after a while I started to like it. Maybe even love it a little. Challenging myself in new ways, making lists that include insane things like running the Beach to Beacon, and even making some dear friends meet me at Punk Rope to enjoy this thing called exercise with me, it's all actually, do I dare say, fun? I'm not sure where this is going to take me and my self-deprecating attitude, but so far I am enjoying the ride...and the occasional run.
"Time does not change us. It just unfolds us.“~Max Frisch
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