I started a post yesterday about the world's biggest headline...you would have to live under a rock to have not heard that the most sought after criminal/terrorist/evil mastermind/murderer in the world was found and killed.
I started it and deleted it, started it again, and deleted it again. I was thinking a lot about what it meant. Nothing. Everything. Something in between. I was thinking about violence and killing. I was thinking about how it felt irresponsible (to me) to celebrate. I was thinking about my girl, and how someday these things will need to be explained to her. I was thinking about all those people and all those families whose lives were changed forever on that day in September that we will never, ever forget. I was thinking about war, and all those brave men and women and their brave families who watch them pack and ship off to a land unknown to fight for....so many things....what exactly, I'm not sure anymore.
Mostly I was thinking about the days leading up to 9.11 and the days following. My brother got married 4 days later and leading up to that Tuesday was so much celebration. Just 3 days before I was sitting on a beach with a fellow bridesmaid talking about our older brothers. Mine getting married in a week, hers starting a fabulous new job in the WTC in NYC. We were so proud...two little sisters talking about their superhero older brothers.
I could say so much about all of that, the days leading up, the days following, how brave our friend was for still standing up with everyone in that wedding, how it changed so many things. Really though, there aren't any words that can package all that up. I have NO idea how our friend and her family felt in those days afterwards, how they have felt in the almost 10 years since then, or how yesterday made them feel. I do know that my heart is heavy for everyone who experienced such huge and personal losses that day, and all the days since then. Nothing will ever fill the holes they feel in their lives.
All I know for sure is that my friend and her huge, unthinkable loss have taught me to cherish every second I have with the people I love, that life changes in an instant, that you can move forward with love, support, and a brave heart, and that older brothers really are superheroes and nothing can ever change that.
I am thinking of ,and praying for, the thousands of people who have endured such huge losses. I hope they can find some kind of peace amongst the latest chaos and headlines.
xoxo
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
My oh my...
Easter 2010
Easter 2011
"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves." - Marie Edgeworth
Easter 2011
"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves." - Marie Edgeworth
Friday, April 22, 2011
Momness
I have had a short absence here because I was on a mini-vaca of sorts. I had a few days off work because N's daycare was closed for vacation week and I also had friends fly in to visit us from CO. This wasn't just any friend either. My oldest and bestest girlfriend came with her 15 month old son to stay with us for a few days. It was so good to spend time together and to see N and E interact and get to know one another.
Let me tell you though, our visits are NOT what they used to be. Kids, staying in at night, entertaining people other than ourselves all day long, fighting to get a word in with each other while the ankle biters make various demands for our attention; conversations about potty training, having more of these rugrats, and what life used to be. I am not complaining. I wouldn't change it for anything. Especially since she and I have been friends since the 1st grade and we have been through EVERY stage of life together, this is just our natural progression. Some things never change though, like how many bottles of wine we drank at the kitchen table after the little people were in bed, or how much we love to shop (and even forced N and E to come with us), how much we love to eat, and how much she means to me. There is nothing sweeter and more grounding than an old friend who knows everything about you...even though she uses the word "old" much too liberally when making reference to me. Especially since she is 3 days older than me. Pfft!
I think it's pretty clear that I was reminded more than once this week that I am a Mom. I know that might sound silly (or delusional), but sometimes I have these moments where it is much more obvious to me that I am someones Mother. Yes, I have a little girl. I have been parenting her for 2 and a half years now (and if we count the 41 weeks I was carrying her around on the inside, then it's over 3 years) and I KNOW I am a mother. I just think when most of us hear that word we picture our own mothers. Or our friends mothers. Or (*gasp*) our grandmothers. It is hard for me to relate these images to myself. And not just because I have a fear of waking up one day and wanting to put on high-waisted jeans, a sweatshirt, and then go buy a mini-van.
I think it's because I always assumed these people, these oldER women, knew what the F they were doing. I assumed their only interest was me, and that they were put on this planet to irritate me, set ground rules, comfort me when I was hurt and heartbroken, and love me more than anyone. Believe me, my mother did ALL these things (and much, much more) but I also know now that my mother is a great many things, and my Mom is only one of them.
It's safe to say that one of my biggest fears before having N was that I would be put into some sort of dreaded box. A Mom Box. I have never been one for any kind of box, and watching so many people around me have children and then seemingly drop off the face of the planet was just plain scary. It was also unnerving for me to hear people say how important other "Mom Friends" were going to be...some people even implied these friends were the only ones you may end up having. Also knowing how all-consuming children (especially newborns) can be made me nervous. Super Husband and I went into this parenting game knowing we wanted to be the best parents we can be, but also knowing that we needed to be strong in our convictions that these "rules" just plain don't apply to us. And frankly, they shouldn't apply to anyone.
Like I have said before, this is something I am very proud that we have accomplished (so far). We work hard at feeding our interests outside of our family, putting our marriage on the top of the list, and being N's Mom and Dad. I think what I have realized recently is that because of my box fears (and bad jeans fears) is that I might dumb down what it is means to embrace my inner Mom. I brag about my kid, I love her more than I thought I could love anyone, I make decisions for her, and about her, each day. I set boundaries, I do infinite loads of laundry, and I comfort her when she is sick and heartbroken. It has nothing to do with how much I embrace the act of parenthood and her irreplaceable spot in my life. It has to do with me embracing what has changed about me. I will never be a box person, I will always be a great many things, just like my mother...but I am totally A Mom.
So I am vowing to myself to never buy bad jeans, cut my hair too short, or wear sweatpants to dinner, but I will learn to embrace my Momness...as long as it means I can still talk too loud and drink wine at the kitchen table until 1 AM with ALL my friends, then I am all for it.
Let me tell you though, our visits are NOT what they used to be. Kids, staying in at night, entertaining people other than ourselves all day long, fighting to get a word in with each other while the ankle biters make various demands for our attention; conversations about potty training, having more of these rugrats, and what life used to be. I am not complaining. I wouldn't change it for anything. Especially since she and I have been friends since the 1st grade and we have been through EVERY stage of life together, this is just our natural progression. Some things never change though, like how many bottles of wine we drank at the kitchen table after the little people were in bed, or how much we love to shop (and even forced N and E to come with us), how much we love to eat, and how much she means to me. There is nothing sweeter and more grounding than an old friend who knows everything about you...even though she uses the word "old" much too liberally when making reference to me. Especially since she is 3 days older than me. Pfft!
I think it's pretty clear that I was reminded more than once this week that I am a Mom. I know that might sound silly (or delusional), but sometimes I have these moments where it is much more obvious to me that I am someones Mother. Yes, I have a little girl. I have been parenting her for 2 and a half years now (and if we count the 41 weeks I was carrying her around on the inside, then it's over 3 years) and I KNOW I am a mother. I just think when most of us hear that word we picture our own mothers. Or our friends mothers. Or (*gasp*) our grandmothers. It is hard for me to relate these images to myself. And not just because I have a fear of waking up one day and wanting to put on high-waisted jeans, a sweatshirt, and then go buy a mini-van.
I think it's because I always assumed these people, these oldER women, knew what the F they were doing. I assumed their only interest was me, and that they were put on this planet to irritate me, set ground rules, comfort me when I was hurt and heartbroken, and love me more than anyone. Believe me, my mother did ALL these things (and much, much more) but I also know now that my mother is a great many things, and my Mom is only one of them.
It's safe to say that one of my biggest fears before having N was that I would be put into some sort of dreaded box. A Mom Box. I have never been one for any kind of box, and watching so many people around me have children and then seemingly drop off the face of the planet was just plain scary. It was also unnerving for me to hear people say how important other "Mom Friends" were going to be...some people even implied these friends were the only ones you may end up having. Also knowing how all-consuming children (especially newborns) can be made me nervous. Super Husband and I went into this parenting game knowing we wanted to be the best parents we can be, but also knowing that we needed to be strong in our convictions that these "rules" just plain don't apply to us. And frankly, they shouldn't apply to anyone.
Like I have said before, this is something I am very proud that we have accomplished (so far). We work hard at feeding our interests outside of our family, putting our marriage on the top of the list, and being N's Mom and Dad. I think what I have realized recently is that because of my box fears (and bad jeans fears) is that I might dumb down what it is means to embrace my inner Mom. I brag about my kid, I love her more than I thought I could love anyone, I make decisions for her, and about her, each day. I set boundaries, I do infinite loads of laundry, and I comfort her when she is sick and heartbroken. It has nothing to do with how much I embrace the act of parenthood and her irreplaceable spot in my life. It has to do with me embracing what has changed about me. I will never be a box person, I will always be a great many things, just like my mother...but I am totally A Mom.
So I am vowing to myself to never buy bad jeans, cut my hair too short, or wear sweatpants to dinner, but I will learn to embrace my Momness...as long as it means I can still talk too loud and drink wine at the kitchen table until 1 AM with ALL my friends, then I am all for it.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Community Supported Agriculture (CSA)
I mentioned a couple posts ago that we had decided to purchase a farmshare/CSA for the Summer and Fall. We have officially sent our sign up information and deposit to Summit Spring Farms and are thrilled to be supporting them and reaping the benefits of what a CSA share has to offer. The thought of fresh, organic, and LOCAL fruits, veggies, and herbs for 20 weeks out of the year makes me swoon. I already have ideas and recipes floating around my head and can't wait for our first pick-up. They have so much to offer, and there are endless possibilities.
If you would like to learn more, check out Local Harvest for more information about farms in your area. I strongly encourage supporting your local farmers and local agriculture. It's an amazing way to support your entire community and eat well.
I am looking forward to writing more about this experience as we get started (our first pick-up is expected to be in June) and sharing with you what we are learning and, the most important, what we are eating!
If you would like to learn more, check out Local Harvest for more information about farms in your area. I strongly encourage supporting your local farmers and local agriculture. It's an amazing way to support your entire community and eat well.
I am looking forward to writing more about this experience as we get started (our first pick-up is expected to be in June) and sharing with you what we are learning and, the most important, what we are eating!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Grumpy, meet Spring
Yes. That's me. Grumptastic.
It's just one of those days when lots of smallish things turn my Party-Pants into Stabby-Pants. Or, more like my Sunny-Wednesday-Pants into Oh-It's-Just-Another-Day-at-Work-with-People-Who-Don't-Know-How-to-Say-Thanks-and-We-Want-to-Get-Away-for-a-Weekend-but-are-Having-Trouble-Finding-a-Sitter-and-Matching-Schedules-Pants. That's kind of a long name for pants though. Stabby covers it.
So, no, nothing big, but enough to make me sulk and do some glaring and think about all the things I dislike about today, this week, tomorrow, last week, whatever. And really, I hate this kind of mood. It makes me grumpy to be grumpy, because I know how good I have it. I know that there are WAY worse things in the world than bad schedules, long days at work, and people who complain when you bring them munchkins (although, people complaining about donut holes is on my "seriously depraved" list). I want to be the kind of person who can remind myself of that in each of those moments when you start feeling like you might blow a gasket, and then take a deep breath and go back to my shiny, happy, winning-smile personality. Okay, maybe that's overdoing it. A lot. But at least go back to my Sunny Wednesday Pants!
But alas, I just can't all the time. I suppose when I really think about it the people who can do that all the time would make me put my Stabby Pants back on anyway. What I can do though, is take a little while to wallow in my annoyance, and then vent about it over email to people who like the occasional munchkin as much as I do. And before I know it, the topic has turned to Spring. Then Summer. Then pictures of these amazing looking Margarita's with a beer doing a headstand in it. Oh my! Is that...sun I feel creeping in? Memorial Day camping is only 7 weeks away you say? And it's supposed to be 60 next week??
It's amazing what thoughts of warm weather, BBQ's with friends, playgrounds and picnics with N, lounging on the beach, and sleeping in a tent on the river can do for my mood. Winter is always long, and this one included mass amounts of snow and shoveling. By the time March rolls around I am usually starting to feel desperate to take my coat off and put my boots away. Add in the not-so-fun last few weeks we've had and I am more than ready to tell Winter exactly where it can go. I don't think I would ever trade those feelings for a place where the seasons are much more mild and blend into one another more easily though. I'm not sure the first day that I throw open the windows and get to wear ballet flats without socks would be nearly as sweet. And neither would email conversations with my friends about what we love about the coming months.
So, I might still have a few co-workers who don't know a kind gesture when they see one, and I still don't have my coveted weekend away from everyday life, but I do have Spring. And Summer. And if I'm lucky, those margarita's with the head standing beer!
It's just one of those days when lots of smallish things turn my Party-Pants into Stabby-Pants. Or, more like my Sunny-Wednesday-Pants into Oh-It's-Just-Another-Day-at-Work-with-People-Who-Don't-Know-How-to-Say-Thanks-and-We-Want-to-Get-Away-for-a-Weekend-but-are-Having-Trouble-Finding-a-Sitter-and-Matching-Schedules-Pants. That's kind of a long name for pants though. Stabby covers it.
So, no, nothing big, but enough to make me sulk and do some glaring and think about all the things I dislike about today, this week, tomorrow, last week, whatever. And really, I hate this kind of mood. It makes me grumpy to be grumpy, because I know how good I have it. I know that there are WAY worse things in the world than bad schedules, long days at work, and people who complain when you bring them munchkins (although, people complaining about donut holes is on my "seriously depraved" list). I want to be the kind of person who can remind myself of that in each of those moments when you start feeling like you might blow a gasket, and then take a deep breath and go back to my shiny, happy, winning-smile personality. Okay, maybe that's overdoing it. A lot. But at least go back to my Sunny Wednesday Pants!
But alas, I just can't all the time. I suppose when I really think about it the people who can do that all the time would make me put my Stabby Pants back on anyway. What I can do though, is take a little while to wallow in my annoyance, and then vent about it over email to people who like the occasional munchkin as much as I do. And before I know it, the topic has turned to Spring. Then Summer. Then pictures of these amazing looking Margarita's with a beer doing a headstand in it. Oh my! Is that...sun I feel creeping in? Memorial Day camping is only 7 weeks away you say? And it's supposed to be 60 next week??
It's amazing what thoughts of warm weather, BBQ's with friends, playgrounds and picnics with N, lounging on the beach, and sleeping in a tent on the river can do for my mood. Winter is always long, and this one included mass amounts of snow and shoveling. By the time March rolls around I am usually starting to feel desperate to take my coat off and put my boots away. Add in the not-so-fun last few weeks we've had and I am more than ready to tell Winter exactly where it can go. I don't think I would ever trade those feelings for a place where the seasons are much more mild and blend into one another more easily though. I'm not sure the first day that I throw open the windows and get to wear ballet flats without socks would be nearly as sweet. And neither would email conversations with my friends about what we love about the coming months.
So, I might still have a few co-workers who don't know a kind gesture when they see one, and I still don't have my coveted weekend away from everyday life, but I do have Spring. And Summer. And if I'm lucky, those margarita's with the head standing beer!
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Flu
Yes, that's right. The flu.
My family was taken down one by one in the last 7 days with some horrible virus that was doing it's best to kill me, or at the very least, make me crazy. It started with the husband on Sunday (I have since started referring to him as "The Monkey from Outbreak", aka TMFO). By Monday night I was sure something just wasn't "right". I ended up being home and out of commission from Tuesday until half-way through the day on Friday when my fever had been gone long enough for me to at least go to work and check emails and make sure they hadn't replaced me. Nora spiked a fever at my mom-in-laws on Friday afternoon and battled it over the next 48 hours.
It has been a long 7 days.
Since I just don't think it's possible to wax poetic about the flu, instead I give you my observations from being bed/couch/house bound for much too long:
1. My 80's crush on Rob Lowe is alive and well in 2011. The amount of Brothers and Sisters that I watched should embarrass me.
2. Being able to stream Netflix is the greatest invention EVER.
3. I am not good at staying still for long periods of time anymore. This used to be something I was a master at, and it seems to be a talent I have lost along the way. I found myself glaring at the dust bunnies underneath the entertainment center and willing them to pick themselves up. The dog and cat were no help.
4. My daughter is the sweetest, most empathetic little soul I have ever met. Her concern for both me and her father was heartbreaking.
5. My husband is much more patient with me when I am ill than me of him (mental note to work on this in the future).
6. I would not be the same kind of person or parent (hopefully a good one) than I am without my "village". My mother-in-law saved the day by picking N up from daycare one day and taking her home with her in the hopes she would not catch what we had, and to let us rest. My mother, who had been sick herself, babied me over the phone a couple times a day. My friends offered assistance and kept me entertained with emails and text messages. My neighbor practically chased me down with offers of ginger ale and running errands. These people take care of me in a way I only hope to be able to return.
7. I feel like a slug without exercise.
8. I am so grateful for my health. This was *just* the flu. I can't even fathom what it's like for those brave families who battle deadly diseases and debilitating chronic illnesses each day. We are so lucky (mental note to remind myself of this much more often).
9. I LIKE all the juggling we do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I have talked a lot about balance here, and how hard that can be sometimes. And yes, it surely is, but we do it for a reason. Just a week without Punk Rope, meet-ups with friends, work, yoga with other parents, and visiting family members made me feel SO DULL. I like the stimulation of all that we love to do as a family and as individuals. I missed the balancing act and I am looking forward to life getting back to it's normal state of chaos this week.
In other news: we have decided to join a CSA/Farm Share. This makes me giddy and it does deserve it's own post when things are all said and done. And now that I am on the mend, it's time to start putting together a plan for 10K training. Oh boy. Stay tuned!
My family was taken down one by one in the last 7 days with some horrible virus that was doing it's best to kill me, or at the very least, make me crazy. It started with the husband on Sunday (I have since started referring to him as "The Monkey from Outbreak", aka TMFO). By Monday night I was sure something just wasn't "right". I ended up being home and out of commission from Tuesday until half-way through the day on Friday when my fever had been gone long enough for me to at least go to work and check emails and make sure they hadn't replaced me. Nora spiked a fever at my mom-in-laws on Friday afternoon and battled it over the next 48 hours.
It has been a long 7 days.
Since I just don't think it's possible to wax poetic about the flu, instead I give you my observations from being bed/couch/house bound for much too long:
1. My 80's crush on Rob Lowe is alive and well in 2011. The amount of Brothers and Sisters that I watched should embarrass me.
2. Being able to stream Netflix is the greatest invention EVER.
3. I am not good at staying still for long periods of time anymore. This used to be something I was a master at, and it seems to be a talent I have lost along the way. I found myself glaring at the dust bunnies underneath the entertainment center and willing them to pick themselves up. The dog and cat were no help.
4. My daughter is the sweetest, most empathetic little soul I have ever met. Her concern for both me and her father was heartbreaking.
5. My husband is much more patient with me when I am ill than me of him (mental note to work on this in the future).
6. I would not be the same kind of person or parent (hopefully a good one) than I am without my "village". My mother-in-law saved the day by picking N up from daycare one day and taking her home with her in the hopes she would not catch what we had, and to let us rest. My mother, who had been sick herself, babied me over the phone a couple times a day. My friends offered assistance and kept me entertained with emails and text messages. My neighbor practically chased me down with offers of ginger ale and running errands. These people take care of me in a way I only hope to be able to return.
7. I feel like a slug without exercise.
8. I am so grateful for my health. This was *just* the flu. I can't even fathom what it's like for those brave families who battle deadly diseases and debilitating chronic illnesses each day. We are so lucky (mental note to remind myself of this much more often).
9. I LIKE all the juggling we do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I have talked a lot about balance here, and how hard that can be sometimes. And yes, it surely is, but we do it for a reason. Just a week without Punk Rope, meet-ups with friends, work, yoga with other parents, and visiting family members made me feel SO DULL. I like the stimulation of all that we love to do as a family and as individuals. I missed the balancing act and I am looking forward to life getting back to it's normal state of chaos this week.
In other news: we have decided to join a CSA/Farm Share. This makes me giddy and it does deserve it's own post when things are all said and done. And now that I am on the mend, it's time to start putting together a plan for 10K training. Oh boy. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
*Gulp*
This morning at 7 AM (after starting a load of laundry, packing my lunch for work, feeding the pets, and checking in on N, who was still sound asleep) I got on my laptop and signed myself up for the Beach to Beacon with about 3,999 other people.
Consider me freaking out. From now until August 6th.
Consider me freaking out. From now until August 6th.
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